Sunday, April 15, 2012 . 12:21 AM
What I Wanna Wanna! (pt 1)Hmmm I am not sure whether to turn this into a private blog in the future. Coz I really like to to be a very personal space like how when we were kids during my time, we have the hobby of writing in our secret diaries.. Secret.. Mysterious... Honesty.. All to ourselves. The fun of writing in a book, communicating with the book (eg. dear diary etc etc).. Those were the carefree times and times of make-believe.
Alright I am back here to blog... coz I really don't know what to do or how to pass my time on this slow moving sunday.... I want to type out a list of things I want to do for now and my future for a start.. So then I can probably see which are the things I want to give priority to and others, later.
Presently I wanna.. wanna..:
-Be an awesome tarot card reader!
-Learn many ways of meditation to excel in ways of the soul, body and mind.
-Be a pro volleyball player! (ok maybe juz decently skilled is good enough)
-To be able to draw my soul and visions and convictions in excellence onto paper or whatever mediums I want to experiment on!
-Be more in control of my actions, my reactions in such a way to be more stable and relaxed mind in handling things or communicating with people.
-Find out about the courses in poly I wanna wanna take up and enquire MOE regarding some school fee's related issues.
-Want to improve on my outlook!
-I need to start planning and saving the allowance I get from NS...
-Wanna sing betterrrrrrr!
-Wanna cherish people that are worth cherishing!
-Need to be learn to be myself, to always remind self to be humble and truthful to self and others.
-Need to learn to confidently say 'NO' when I need to.
-Gotta do my part in making my home a neater and more 'conducive' place to live in =x
-Hope to find that special someone although I may nt be good enough to start and enter a rs.
-Let things be when I know those are walls I am driven up onto already, just let them go and nature will handle!
Thats all for now!
Friday, April 13, 2012 . 8:03 AM
ChangeListening to Bright Lights by Tinchy Stryder ft. Pixie Lott. I love how the song relates to light being guidance for change, a better tomorrow. Here's the part of the lyrics which I really feel is simple, colourful and meaningful.
'Flash lights and the good life,
keep calling out my name
And I pray somehow something's gonna change
Bright lights in the skyline,
let me lose me way
Cause I know somehow something's gonna change'
Life has been much easier since I have gone out of my fire fighter course. But my mind has not been feeling contented but rather very vexed. Now I am working in an office environment, less worries serving my national service. Less to worry for ns yet worries in other areas of my life keeps creeping back up.
I am a fearful, timid person. That is who and what I am right now. It is as though I have lost touch with my inner strength for some period of time. Life is so vast.. Life is so colourful... Life is so dull... Life is so confusing... Life the journey of it so much fear.. Uncertainty.. Life is my white canvas.. You are so vast and assorted that I do not know how to live you, live life... So many choices to make and hope and be afraid to hope for, what can I do?
Hoping to decide for myself the best n perfect choices for myself now and my future, the right paths to take. But it is not the right mindset to have.. Yes I am discouraged that I am at an early stage of understanding about life and it's meaning and it's many abstractions.. And I probably will never understand it fully still, when I depart form here someday, but must it be this way?? At least I am given a chance to live, to learn to try, to feel, to experience.
Go one step at a time, focus on the simple things first... Focus on the positive things.. and let the negative be a source of understanding. The only things that is utter most important.. Is to know to be truthful and honest to oneself.. to myself.. Be humble that the heart is supposed to be. Freedom is only a step away, baby steps to change.... :)