Saturday, February 25, 2012 . 4:52 PM

Gotta Walk On

Now it's 8.22am (regardless of the blogger post timing.. ), typing another post. Sitting in my living room now thinking and reflecting upon my life. Sometimes I really think I think too obsessively, I may be meek on the outside but on the inside it may be quite extreme. Extreme especially in the negative face of emotions and thoughts. When I am more positive, I would find strength and be glad. Rarely will I feel really happy, don't know exactly why. Maybe it is as time pass, as I experience more things in life, I'm cluttered with negative thoughts and worries that I find it hard to dispel. I almost constantly worry about my future, about my art, about my family, about ns, about finding... finding that guy I will really love alot. Where are you?? Where r u my boy from my dreams, where are you to share our lives and days together? My heart is in solitude till that day you come, if that day even arrives.

Walk on Ron, walk on and you will find answers. Keep trying and keep growing nomatter what may come your way. Life looks so bleak now, but I should remain thankful, thankful for the things given and not given to me. Once I've learn to be thankful and give thanks to life I live in, feels like a form of release. The opposite from thankfulness is a complacent attitude, which traps the heart.

I did not expect in my life that my ns life training will be tough as this. People fainting is quite a common thing, and the nature of it all has created an anxiety and a complacent attitude in me. I am afraid coz I almost fainted and everyday it is like literally we r dragged to hell. But the positive side to things is I have already almost crossed the 1 month mark of the 3months course.

Ron you have to remember you chose this route to quit school to enter ns. You have to bear the consequences, nomatter what you face in the proccess, when times you think you can really... really no longer walk on... Remember why are you doing all these for. I'm walking on in life for the people that love me... My family and friends and the God I believe in. The yearning to experience life, to learn from the tough nature of this route, to face all my fears and grow from it. I am cringing and crying almost everyday in my heart... But only I can be strong if I decide to be brave and walk on. Walk on for the future, the freedom, the fruits you'll get to experience... It seems very far away but that day will come. Sighhh