Friday, January 20, 2012 . 7:47 PM

Inner Self

Was spending a night with my tarot deck underneath my pillow when I went to sleep. I read that tarots are cards with energy and imageries that are portals that brings us to and reflect the different channels of our inner selves and much of our subconciousness for meditation and spiritual growth and as a person. I mentioned in my previous post that I bought the Tarot of the Sweet Twilight. Beautiful awesummm cards that I can relate to. I laid it under my bed to season the connection of the cards with myself as the energy of my subconcious (dream-conciousness) will be shared with the cards when I am asleep, aka in my dream state, thus allowing the cards to connect with subconcious as the practice of it goes by.

I blog my thoughts down every now and then as I feel it is a very important way of getting things out, like pieces of jigsaw puzzle and overtime to piece them bit by bit together with each blog post. With the tarot cards that I bought it is rather similar but much more interesting and quite more intricate and spiritual way of growth and gaining better understanding.

Really I want to grow, I want to be better, I want to be stronger and be at peace with who I am as a person. One factor that was in my knowledge is to learn to embrace life's spontanous nature, the mysteries that we don't know that lies ahead. But only recently such challenges have crept up more and more. Mind's at times  chaotic when I am in camp serving my ns. Interacting with so many different people with very different characters. I have inevitably fallen a couple of steps back in trying to make people around 'happy' while neglecting how I really feel.

I get scared and tired when there are quite alot of things that I can't anticipate, impromptu changes or activities etc. I dislike that feeling of being worried for the unknown. The feeling of not doing enough to satisfy the people around me. Why should I try to satisfy and make people around me happy when I myself am not? Gotta remind myself yet again not to plan my every step and every action, inorder only to make others happy, but to know who I really am, to know my feelings, what I really need and then being able to be of good cheer unto others. I don't always have to try and make effort to make people smile, but rather let things come naturally, and happiness will ease out.

How do I do all these things?? Probably.. hm.. Definitely... through many trials and errors. To learn to source for my inner strength and wisdom and open the channels within my mind and heart to embrace all that to come to be part of my growth. Do not be afraid Ron, you are stronger than you think you are, alot alot.. wayyy stronger..