Sunday, December 25, 2011 . 6:42 AM

Voidness

Listening to some songs, chilling out resting before sleeping soon. I've been coughing like mad cow mad dog these few days, Fell sick.... Hopefully I can get well before booking into camp again tomorrow...

I have been into the civil defence for 2 weeks already. The coming week will be my 3rd week... So far everything is still quite tahanable, made some nice friends nice company in there. So training hasn't been that tough to go through. Really hope that time will pass faster.. these 8 weeks of physical training.... I want to POP... But I will be miserable if I were to keep thinking of rushing my time, hoping my time in ns will fly pass fast. It will not do me good and I will not learn anything by fast pacing my mind... But rather I have to slow down and experience my present and learn and appreciate whateva will come my way... I will thrive and survive through this 6 more weeks and 2 yrs of ns.

I've been feeling sick and being sick for the pass few days, coughing and coughing and feeling feverish. As i am typing this blog post.. I am coughing and coughing... I think I've had my 7th 500ml bottle of water already today with 4-5extra cups of barley water. Around 4litres of water...... Still coughing and coughing.. Been staying home and resting... napping, feeling lethargic... And tomorrow I will have to book in again into camp. Feeling this voidness inside of me. Someting left incomplete that I can't access specifically now. But what can I do?? What can I do and make the best out of the situation and my negative thoughts?

I want to continue to learn to be a positive person, to grow into a person that doesn't dwell on obligation but by understanding and willingness. I want to help myself and help others in the process in life and during my time in NS. I want to unwind the knots I have onhand, to feel at peace, to be happy.

There is a reason for this uncomfortable feeling somehow.. maybe it's just that I will miss my family once I go back in camp. I will miss chatting and going out with friends. I will miss catching up on music and the pokemon episode 1 series. I will not be able to think and communicate with the guy I like as often as I hope to. Or maybe mutual love will come much later and with someone else. Ron, you need to be open to all these possibilities and stop being so rigid and plan all your hopes and goals. What you need will come towards you if you don't keep planning and specifically hoping - that will infact build walls against the goodness and fulfilment coming through.

Voidness..