Thursday, October 6, 2011 . 10:14 AM

White Lies

I was listeing to Jupiter Rising, their song called Guarded. For some reason, for no reason, I let my emotions go. I was feeling drained, something caught up inside. I started crying. crying only when no one is around me, when I am by myself. I feel so lonely, but I know everyone has to fight their own battles. But I just don't understand. I don't understand what goes under and beyond all that.

Maybe the future will shed some light upon it. I'm still weak and frail in my heart and yet there is a strong will inside, something unspeakable.. Something I can't quite access.. as yet.. What can I do with my life? What can I do to make it all worth while? Why am I so afraid? Why do I think I am a failure?

I remember watching making of the band, about Danity Kane the female group their process before makiing it big. There is ady I think her name is Aubrey. There was a point where she broke down, her insecurities crept up, back up. In her mind, it telling her she is a pretty white girl that can't sing. I felt for her, vunerable but she still wouldn't give up. The lady that trained them on their dancing was talking to her when she broke down. She told Aubrey that those in her mind are just white lies.. White lies that are just not true.

I can't believe what my own white lies says, I can't put myself down when I don't get a 'good' reaction. I need to step back and look. There is something more.. Where? Just where? I am asking...