Sunday, October 30, 2011 . 7:05 AM

Exhausted

Feeling quite tired and drained emotionally. So here I am typing away again. It's becoming a habit of mine to blog usually when I need to get things out of my head or mostly when I feel down.

Just 2 days ago mum was admitted to hospital for some infection related problems ( concluded through some blood tests ). Went to visit her yesterday in the evening. She was quite jovial, hyper and comical, lol.. It was good talking and keeping her company for that few hours. When it was around 7.30pm I headed home. On the way my sis called crying over the phone and she told me something cropped up with my father that 2 uncles have to carry him back home coz he couldn't walk. The way she described made me uneasy adding to the fact that she was crying.

I got home and realized no one was in. Then my sister called and told me to head downstairs, then my sister's bf drove my dad, and the rest of us to TTSH to have my father a more thorough check up. He can't walk, it is the 1st time something like this happened to him. That's why I guess my sis got freaked out quite a bit. The consultation at TTSH took quite a while, and we reached home almost 1. Dad's still feeling pain yet he can't stop moving about =.=...

When I was in my sis's bf's car on the way home from TTSH, a sudden thought jolted through my mind. What if my parents weren't here anymore?? It is not the 1st time that I think of this issue of my parents leaving and passing on, later in the future. But through the consecutive of jolts of such thoughts, it feels closer and more real each time. I remember when I was around 7yrs old I started having such fears that my mum would leave me. One time I remembered having a nightmare and woke up tearing that I thought my mum has left. Few occassions around that period I woud hug my mum at night when I was sleeping beside her scared I'd no longer have her by my side. When I was young, it was already apparent to me that my parents had me and my sis at quite an old age as compared to most of my schoolmates. Somehow the fear of losing them 'early' crept in early in my younger days.

If they were to leave, I would have to fend for myself. I have to be independent. I have to be motivated and keep walking. But all these would take alot of excruciating hardwork to achievea dn even so, I don't think I can ever perfect the craft of being a 'good' adult.

There are fears too that my time may be up, I fear but realize there is nothing to lose.. coz I came to the world with nothing and I'll leave with nothing. But I want to bring memories with me those happy, sad, genuine, heartfelt memories. Bring along the bonds I have made and broken along the way. And to leave all regrets behind. Feel very tired.. very very exhausted.

Anyway here's a pic of my mum and I at the hospital. Getting better already hopefully ^^