Friday, June 10, 2011 . 1:19 PM
In This Life And My HeartUrgh... My stomach area is aching.. Did sit-ups again after a super duper long time not working at it.. It's weird how this time the ache lasts longer.. =/ Was just munching on my bread with some nutella in it.. Always convenient to have quick 'night' snacks :P tasty treats haha.
These days I have been feeling slightly more melancholic, not really negative though. As life there's always the good and the bad. To have the ups, we muz 1st experience the downs to truely know what is happiness? At least that is what I believe though I feel as though I've just started out on life not too long ago. I don't exactly know what I want for this life.. I don't know where I'm heading.. But somehow it feels I'm starting to know by collecting n piecing together the fragments of everyday life throws at me.
Sometimes I would be quite frustrated thinking about things, over analyzing situations and reactions. Be so worried about other ppl.. about myself and about life.. about the fact qustioning am I being a failure. Over the course of time from my earlier days knowing various ajs whether online or in real life, communicating with them has opened up many many channels in me I have never really seen in myself and in people before. Human nature can be so ugly but then.. there is the other very beautiful side. And that is love that we people can share with one another. Whether if it is just simple caring for a person, a simple nod, a smile, a pat, a hug or a heartfelt conversation.. Love needs to be evident in order that we can truly experience life and really live! I have quite a bit of head knowledge of how life should go.. how to maybe manage certain areas of life better and 'well', but I have yet to experience life fully, and practice what I may know.
Like in my earlier blog posts.. I mentioned that I have issues and 'problems' with people and communications and making friends. Recently I've heard a song from Jewel called Satisfied. About simple action of love.. being sincere as a person and most importantly... to experience love.. start by loving first! THIS I definitely have trouble with! >.< =(((( I feels so hard to start loving people.. somehow this fear of people is lingering in myself.. still brewing within. I admit that I have issues with my confidence.. Over analyzing the slightest reactions from people that I am not familiar with has made it hard for me to make friends, close friends, easily.
Still growing though =) I will tell myself everyday that today isn't such a bad day however sucky it wud be. That's just life right?