Friday, April 22, 2011 . 2:48 PM
Dinner ^^Was out meeting some good friends for dinner. We're a group consisting of 8 fun ppl, called darksides. Just met half of the darksides for dinner around a week ago at amk hub. Nothing much to see and explore over there, but it' the company that matters. Had dinner at fish n co, after that we headed to the supermarket to get some groceries. Love exploring supermarkets ^^ Realy feel it opens the kids in us sometimes in such places. l
Would be meeting them again and an additional, altogether 6 of us for some movie meet up this coming sunday. Can't wait to see them again! Wooo.. ^^^ Rio here I come!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011 . 12:44 PM
Constipated MeA weak soul is terrified, but as the excitment builds up for life, strength is accompanied by it. just like tears represent the weak.. the indulgence of self-pity, but it also signifies strength in acknowledging fears, darkest fears, pain and conquering it.
Just like an online friend Joel telling me, reminding me.. all talk but no action is cheap. Taking action is the 1st step towards a free heart.. Next is the hardwork and endurance of keeping the action, useful actions that propells our lives forward, consistently moving n growing.
Aaron you gotta get ur butt up, not get your ass up to Burlesque.. but to start taking my decisions, my life positively into my own hands. There is no room for negativity, there is no room for all talk but no action. Work hard... you've gotta work hard for what you want in your life.. No one's gonna do it for you but yourself.. Grow up kiddo..
Thursday, April 14, 2011 . 1:37 PM
Take Heart, Self-LoveJust yesterday a kinda person from blowing wind forum shared with me a link, a link for encouragement, a link for taking heart. I was feeling heavy the day before. The words and thoughts written were beautiful and holds truthfulness in everyone of the quotes. Here are some quotes that I really like and spoke to me from the link, written by an awesome individual.
~When I loved myself enough I started feeling all my feelings, not analysing them really feeling them. When I do, something amazing happens. Try it. You will see.
~When I loved myself enough my heart became so tender it could welcome joy and sorrow equally
~When I loved myself enough I could allow my heart to burst wide open and take in the pain of the world.
~When I loved myself enough I learned to stop what I am doing, if even for a moment, and comfort the part of me that is scared.
http://www.goldcoastyogacentre.com/welcome/page168.php
Journey of love.. self-love is taking heart, is the beginning in all aspects of love and living life. More discoveries better and bigger are yet to come! Just a post for encouragement and not to lose heart =)).
Wednesday, April 13, 2011 . 1:35 PM
DisappointmentsBeing feeling down.. heavy in my heart.. Being slowly leadint to utter disappointment in myself and people, friends. The innate nature of the human wants to point, wants to pin point the faults. But an open heart understands how useless and at times destructive of the nature of blame and finger pointing can be when disappointment arises. The mind finds it hard to comply with the heart's understanding..
I'm so tired.. have been so pissed off at everything. Talked to Kor about it, he shared and emphasized about the word believe. Yes believe though how vague to most it can be at times we face things that distracts us from the way. It is truely a strong force to be reckoned with, when done with understanding, endurance and patience. How Jesus from the bible chose the cross, chose to obey to suffer the pains, to see the ugliness of human nature to be utterly beaten down. Though he was disappointed.. That heart and passion for life and for love was greatly evident. Put our hopes in the things we can't see.. is risky.. very risky.. but it is a strong element that is hard to master.
To embrace live with open heart even in setbacks, that keeping an open heart is difficult. But that is the only way we can continue to keep our soul alive and growing. At the end of the day, how much can the heart take till it finally echoes the shriek of utter hopelessness or the strong final call of triumph?
Sunday, April 10, 2011 . 12:00 PM
After Fear Comes LoveHahahaha muahahahah lalalala.. lolololo... lililililili! I'm inspired to write again! Woooo... So... I've been spending time at home a lot these days. Not totally slacking my time off and nuahing... but have been having alot of thoughts.. From being almost idling to having so much inspiration these days, it is truely incredible this way. through songs.. through my own writings and sketches and understanding of self. I have learnt and further understand that I have been a person driven by fear. Heaps and heaps of fear. And in Singapore.. fear is something evident in our community.. Kia si..(scared of dying) Kia su..(scared of losing) has been one of the highlights of 'who/what/how' we are as Singaporeans. But I believe in and around the world many contexts of it society injected fear in our lives directly or.. indrectly.
So.. The fear I have been understanding lately and the more I am trying to comprehend what love is about.. it teaches me more about fear. How love doesn't exist alongside fear.. Perfect love drives out all fear. Fear retards... Love helps us to grow. As I have learn't to understand... Fear is the energy more real than physical, that closes our hearts... While love on the other hand, the sole force that gives life to everyone and everything around us, is the element that tries to pry our hearts open.. I have learnt and slowly understand that having an open heart is very important. For growth.. Happiness.. for passion.. yes passion.. Passion for living.. for our love ones.. friends... for nature.. for helping.. for working... for even just putting a simple smile on the face.
Now that I have been learning more and trying to understand love with an open heart.. I yearn to grow.. with the people around me.. I have seen good friends grow and mature... seeing myself and family members grow too.. usually out of the pain and shit life puts us into.. We come out stronger.. Without hate.. without resentment that retards us from moving forward.. Be forgiving.. Yes forgiving at times we humans veer towards the selfish lanes.. so swift.. and viciously.. and we forget.. Plz don't..! Stop and remind ourselves.. Stop and take a step back and look... wait... wait with an open heart.. Even when it is hard to. We would pull through.. that's how we learn to be stronger. Strength comes from every hardship.. endurance to those times.
I've been listening to a song from Evanescence. it's called Understanding.. It's sooo damn beautiful. How it is expressed.. the lyrics hold so much truth to the depths of the human heart and mind. Love that is bigger than just a usual r/s but the bigger context of Love itself and that is God and that He is Love. I woud like to share it at the link below.. and the lyrics..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QahGi4-WdCM&feature=channel_video_title
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."
(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"God, please don't hate me"
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
Friday, April 8, 2011 . 12:22 PM
Dear FriendMore than a month back, I was quite active going into trevvy chat. Getting pissed up and down, left and right, to and fro. It's not exactly a great place to start of finding out more about gays and knowing more gay-related stuff and people. It not a decent place for healthy discovery I'd say. But though in the piles and piles of assholes I have pushed my way through some gems along the way. One of the few gems is Kor. We clicked well from IRC chat. Not the usual guys on trevvy chat that are like dead.. cold.. walls. He was warm from the 1st chat. A fellow Christian aj. Sensitive guy yet a strong heart he has. Really great to have a glimpse of his singing and songwriting too. Something beautiful I believe God has given him, a gift. No one can take away from him, and for him to express. That's also what I like about him. Could relate to each other and it has truely been a blessing in knowing him.
I've then recently been talking to another friend, I'll call him Miao here hahax. Coz he loves cats, just like I do. Thing is... he rears cats.. and I don't... *envy.. envy..!!!* =P Think I got to know him at his semi down period of his life. Quite a nice person to talk to, and like my kor, Miao I feel has an open heart. Something that attracts myself to them. They are willing as friends to talk and be open and are sincere. Somehow these few days got him as a Di le so got one small family.Hopefully can intro both Kor and Di together sometime.
Life's not an ass all the time, great people walk.. somethimes run by. We just need to know how to be fast in our reflexes to catch them even during ungodly hours. Wanna share a song here.. So beautiful.. So truthful.. By Stacie Orrico.. Called Dear Friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB4kj6INEAs
Dear Friend, what's on your mind
You don’t laugh the way you used to
But I've noticed how you cry
Dear friend, I feel so helpless
I see you sit in silence
As you face new pain each day
I feel there’s nothing I can do
I know you don’t feel pretty
Even though you are
But it wasn’t your beauty
That found room in my heart
Dear friend, you are so precious Dear Friend
Dear friend, I'm here for you
I know that you don’t talk too much
But we can share this day anew
Dear Friend, please don’t feel like you're alone
There is someone who is praying
Praying for your peace of mind
Hoping joy is what you'll find
I know you don’t feel weak
Even though you are
But it wasn’t your strength
That found room in my heart
Dear friend, you are so precious, Dear Friend
Thursday, April 7, 2011 . 12:28 PM
Get On With It!Lalalala I'm back to blogging again. I've been kinda slack this days.. hmm kinda do not really like the word slack. Lets just say I have been more.. free.. more.. time on my hands these days. I have been searching for jobs, maybe not hard enough hence getting ones that I don't want to take up.
So I am typing.. blogging this late now.. To think back these few days.. the passing few days. My mood has been a little erratic, slightly.. increasingly uncontrollable, my temper is becoming shorter and shorter. Somehow I think this has to do with some 'lazing' and 'idling' around. unhealthy for the mind and soul. I really have to make good.. no make great use of my time, be fruitful in my life. I realize that I tend to succumb now and then to my laziness and fears in my life.
My laziness to not being doing the best I know I can. This laziness and hardworking thing keeps fluctuating in my life. One moment I am lazy, when I get tired/sick of it.. Hardworking mindset comes in. Not long after it dries out and laziness and comfort sets in again. This has to stop.. this inconsistency. I have to make do of something in this life.. this chance to life.. this chance of existence even at the expense of suffering. But where is long-suffering without happiness during and after it all? All talk and no action isn't much good for myself..
Ron get on with it.. Be patient but not lazy.. be wise.. alert.. be vigilant. Have an open heart.. willing to learn. Be truely who you are.. who I am created to become, how fruitful hopefully I can render my existence to be. Something positively tangible in my life and also to the people around me as well. No time bombs but I freaking want to be of good cheer to people. I have not done my best.. but hopefully hopefully as I try and try harder... That day would come where I could be someone useful.. someone that could love freely.