Saturday, February 26, 2011 . 9:57 PM

First Step Out

It has been a few days ago that I last blogged. I have been having issues with myself and church because of my issues of being a bi and how it throughout the years of denial and false hope have moulded my character from an extrovert to now an introvert. Throughout that change.. till now, I look back many times and wonder, uselessly wonder why can't I be like last time? Back then I had no issues communicating with people, my heart was open to all and for all. However, I do realize that this duality, more like a conversion into another nature (introvert), helped me understand things, people, experiences and myself at another perspective and deeper emotional. However frozen my heart has been, God has been configuring me through this period to feel from my heart and understand things around me through it. That probably is why I'm feeling oppressed in trying to tap into my past's extrovert personality trying to relate to people that way.

Time passes, people change for the good or for the worse. I do want to keep trying to keep keeping on.. How shaded the heart is and has been deceived all these years, I want to open myself to new possibilities and positive growth sharing with people what I can offer. Later tonight, I'm going to tell my church's cell leader about my aj side that has been in my way and the reasons why I am irregular in church. God's perfect love drives out all fear, so I feel that keeping it in has been silly of me if the conviction in my heart is that being an aj living as an aj isn't wrong in God's eyes why should I keep myself bound? by what the society wnats of me? Hell no... I may be timid on the outside but my heart is calling out to be hear. Either live with my heart, what it truly wants and what God wants, than living like a dead fish floating along the sea.

Hopefully my eyes would be further opened through being honest, and with my cell leader laterwards.